NOPE: the fanfiction
by Vector2Darkness
Summary: Join the Kingdom Hearts cast as they go to Kingdom Academy, where they lead somewhat normal lives as students, and things always go wrong. A comedy In which anime tropes get played for laughs, Sora isn't the main character, and heartless don't cause major damage! Wait, what? (Rated T for strong language)


Chapter 1: transfer student.

~Summer~

* * *

It was another day at Kingdom Academy, where... well... where we learn about magic. And keyblades.

Kingdom Academy had been built in the year 2015... For teaching students... Anyway, it's a school in Hollow Bastion (or Radiant Garden), and this is an alternate universe so I don't have to justify why Sora or Roxas is here when they should be out fighting heartless. Or why a bunch of OC's are in it.

Mia and her group of four others were walking to school when a girl their age ran past them, holding a piece of bread in her mouth. Her peach hair fluttered in the wind.

"...Does she realize class doesn't start for another fifteen minutes?" Mia, the totally sweet main character asked, checking the time on her smartphone.

 _Name: Mia_

 _Age: immortal, looks 15 though_

 _Hair color: black._

 _Hair style: short, but just past her neck._

 _Is the main character: duh_

"Not sure." The boy next to her known as Zack said. He happened to have spiky blue anime hair. ("It's totally natural, I swear!")

 _Name: Zack_

 _Age: immortal too_

 _Power Level: Over 9000!_

"Well, whatever. Let's get going." Zack said and they sped up their walk.

AAAND JUMPCUT

* * *

"Hello, class!" The teacher, named (No really) announced as the bell rang. The pretty girl they saw earlier with peach colored hair and brown eyes walked in.

"Today we have a new student joining. How about you introduce yourself?"

"Hello! I'm Ciel, I'm 15, I'm from a world named Earth, and it's nice to meet you all."

"Okay. How about you take a seat in that desk in the back next to that window?"

"I can't see back there..."

"In that case... How about the empty seat up in front?"

"Alright."

"Is she the main character?" Mia whispered to Zack.

"What are you talking about? We're the main characters." He whispered back.

"I thought transfer students were supposed to be related to the plot!" Mia whispered.

"I bet she's a magical girl or something. Big deal, not as cool though." Sarah, the blond girl sitting behind Mia said.

"I bet she's super edgy." Ignis, the one sitting behind Zack and to the right of Sarah said.

"But I thought Shade was edgemaster 5000! I mean just think about the name!"

"Hey, that's mean!" Shade protested. She was all the way in the back of their group.

 _Name: Sarah_

 _Age: do you even have to ask?_

 _Name: Ignis_

 _Noteworthy: If you guessed he had red hair... You were right. Also, he spoils jokes._

 _Name: Shade_

 _Noteworthy: Not actually edgy. Or emo. Or goth. Her hair is naturally black._

"It's a law of main characters that they all sit next to windows!" Ignis said.

"That's the joke, moron."

Then the class had to go to their next period. Mia and Zack luckily shared the same classes twice, so they could sit next to each other in World History. As in, History of the Worlds.

"Alright... Take out your homework from last night... Damn, I wish I had coffee." Aoko, or Miss Kirasame, said. Miss Kirasame wasn't exactly a normal teacher, however. You would think that she was a student if she wasn't wearing her ID. She wore a black uniform and jeans, but most importantly... Well, you'll find out. She was standing up next to the chalkboard, nearly falling over from lack of sleep.

"Aren't teachers not supposed to swear?" A student asked.

"Yeah, whatever. I couldn't get any coffee because the machine was broken in the staff room, and of course I can't drive because I have the body of a fifteen year old. I'm 25, gimme a break! Some of you are sixteen already, right?" asked. Like she said, she had the appearance of a fifteen year old. Sometimes the maturity of one too. She had blue hair like Zack's ("Look, I already told you my hair is natural, stop asking!"), but instead of being spiked like his, hers was in a short ponytail.

"Yes." A boy answered.

"Like I said. Now, for those questions..." She trailed off.

And then a darkside ripped open the ceiling. A bunch of students screamed in terror as it stared down at them with its golden beady eyes.

"ERMAHGERD, FEEERNFUUURCS" It bellowed, shaking the entire building with the force of its voice.

"Everybody stay calm- Wait this is a magical school, darksides are like the easiest boss in the game." said. "Everybody get your weapons and attack!" She exclaimed and summoned her keyblade. A bunch of high schoolers with keyblades jumped at the darkside and attacked it, but the darkside swiped them away and they landed in the school's garden. One student even flew and slammed into a certain girl with crystal like wings on her back, who was just reading a book.

"I'll take care of this!" Ciel exclaimed, running into the classroom from somewhere with new confidence she hasn't shown before. And then she pulled out a wand and transformed into a magical girl.

"Bewbs." Zack said as Ciel's clothes kinda disappeared and cloth surrounded her, because that happens to all magical girls for some reason. And Mia slapped Zack in the face for his blatant indecency.

"Damn bitch, you slap hard!" He exclaimed, kneeling over and clutching his face. He cast cure to heal the red handprint and the pain. Then Mia tried kicking him over but he rolled to the side and got back on his feet.

"I'll get you back for that one day. Where's Ignis and Sarah?" Mia asked. And then Ignis and Sarah jumped up out of the crowd of srudents, high into the air with their keyblades. And then Ciel, now wearing a somewhat revealing, extremely flashy yellow dress, literally flew into the air with wind magic or some crap, going past Ignis and Sarah. The wind from Ciel's flight pushed Ignis and Sarah back down onto the ground. Unfortunately for Ciel however, the darkside anticipated her attack and countered it by sending a fist that was about five times bigger than her right into her everything. Everyone turned their heads as she was flung back at maximum velocity and far, far away from the school and into the town of Radiant Garden, eventually ending with a distant thud. Zack could see smoke rise up in the distance from where Ciel crash landed.

"Think she died?" Ignis said, landing from the air on top of a desk in the classroom where Zack and Mia were.

"Probably. She probably overestimated her powers since she was a magical girl."

"I don't know. She probably isn't weak enough to die after getting knocked to the side."

"People die when they are killed, Ignis." Mia said.

"People don't die when they're killed." Zack said.

"If a darkside kills a person and nobody is around to see it, do they die?"

"How can our deaths be real if our eyes aren't real?"

"I hate you all."

"Of course. See you at lunch!" Ignis exclaimed and jumped back into the fray.

"Should we be helping?" Zack asked.

"Of course we should. We're some of the most powerful students here." Mia replied.

"Because we're not supposed to be in school anyway but the plot said so?"

"Precisely. Thundaga!" She exclaimed, sending out a bolt of lighting from her hands.

After the Darkside is defeated...

"This is the principal speaking... School is cancelled, seeing as one of the classrooms are missing a roof and one student got injured. Enjoy the rest of your day, we will probably be back in session tomorrow."

"Yes!" Mia exclaimed.

"Woo! No school!" Zack exclaimed.

"So... What now?" Zack asked, now that everyone was back at home.

"Play video games?"

"Good idea."

* * *

Scene change!

"What are we here for, again?" Kairi asked. She was still in her school uniform along with Naminé and Xion, but they seemed to be in someone's house.

 _Name: Kairi_

 _Favorite Subject: World History_

"Guys, the camera is running!" Xion exclaimed.

 _Name: Xion_

 _Favorite Subject: Lunch! Oh wait..._

 _Name: Naminé_

 _Favorite thing in the whole wide world: Drawing!_

 _Favorite Subject: Art! If they offered it, that is..._

"Oh shoot."

"Hey, hey hey!" Naminé exclaimed, looking at the camera.

"We're the after school action alliance!" Kairi said.

"And... Uh... I'm not sure what we're here for." Xion said.

"Well, we have to hurry up and say something, we paid a lot to be included in this story!"

"Who did we pay? I thought Mia was doing this for free!"

"This must be the choice of Steins Gate!" Naminé exclaimed, crossing her arms triumphantly. Both of them stared at her.

"...What?" She asked.

"What is Steins Gate?"

"Uh... Mia told me about it..."

"Mia says a lot of weird stuff." Kairi said. Xion nodded her head in agreement.

"Well... Uh... Bye! See you next chapter!" Xion said and walked over to the camera and shut it off.

* * *

"Hey, what the heck! Where am I in this fanfiction!" Sora exclaimed. They were at home, reading this exact story on this website.

"Who said you were in it?" Roxas replied.

 _Name: Sora_

 _Main Character? No._

 _Fashion level: 4/10_

 _Name: Roxas_

 _Noteworthy: Frighteningly good at video games._

 _Fashion level: 8/10_

"I'm the main character, when do I get to be in it?" Sora asked. "Hold up, it says right here Mia is the main character! What the heck!"

"Well Sora... There was this agreement, see? Kairi kind of paid extra for screen time, and we couldn't get you in." Roxas explained.

"And what about Mia? She's not even a Kingdom Hearts character, she's some dumb OC!"

"She's the one funding our internet connection."

"Unfair!"

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Giving the original characters hairstyles is actually somewhat difficult for someone who prefers girls with hair reaching down a few inches past their neck.

I think that's an anime trope. Have I been watching too much anime? Oh man...

I didn't find anywhere to put this in, so here you go:

 _Name: Aoko Kirasame_

 _Age: 30 (looks 15)_

 _Hair color: anime blue_

 _She actually loves her job, believe it or not._

 _Name: Ciel_

 _Magical girl: Probably_

 _Came here from Earth?_

* * *

Tropes & internet references used:

All anime characters run to school with bread in their mouths

All anime characters have anime hair

All main anime characters sit next to windows

All transfer students are important characters

Generic magical girl stuff

Jaden Smith "how can our eyes be real if mirrors aren't real"

They do it for free

Steins;Gate (the Visual Novel)


End file.
